Fury

So the puppies got to feel some of my fury today. Took Hannah out for a walk, and admittedly I haven't been good about the walks in a consistent basis. So Big John was very upset that he got left inside alone, and I could hear him baying from a block and a half away.

So I cut the walk a little shorter than I wanted to, since obviously there is a need for some adjustment. I get home, calm him down a little, and go to let him outside since he's still oh so excited. Hannah follows but decides she is upset that she didn't get to go across the street and takes off, bringing Big John with her.

The dogs are aware I'm not happy with this, but in order not to scare them off further, I act all chipper and try to get them to come to me. Big John backs into the street, almost directly in front of a minivan... all traffic stops because they see my dogs are loose.

After I'm able to secure them enough so the cars can get moving ... I lug John over my shoulder and make sure Hannah follows me with a treat. But as soon as we get inside .... man I was mad.

Never saw them get to the corner of a couch and try to make themselves so small ... they may have learned stay today simply by the sound of my anger. :P

Sigh. Hopefully big noises and angry Sarah will compute in their heads to not go across the street. In the meantime, Bill's idea of walkies through the front door, and outside gate through the side door is probably the way to go.

Interesting new spam

So I received this in my inbox today:

Hey,

I saw that you posted your ad on Craigslist on 4/18/2009; I don't know about yours, but my rent is due in about 10 days (and my landlord is rather finicky about getting his rent on THAT DAY!); I watched the movie "Pay It Forward" on cable last night - you should see it if you haven't already - good movie;

Anyway, I'm just dropping you an email just in case you might need a little bit of extra help paying your rent this month,too. A friend of mine forwarded me this email about a company that specializes in helping out people with their rent who live in or around iowacity (talk about perfect timing!). I don't know about you, but with how much this economy sucks, times are getting are a little tight for me, and I didn't know how I was going to pay my rent this month, until that friend of mine sent me that email I was talking about earlier; about the company that helps you out with your rent.

Personally, I have pretty bad credit (combination of youthful recklessness and a nasty divorce), but they had no problem with that whatsoever, and it was all done online, and they gave me an answer pretty much after I filled out their short form, and I had the money in my Bank of America account within a few hours (I'm not sure what they do if you don't have a bank account - I guess just fill out the form and ask them what are your options).

Here's the link that my friend gave me to get help on my rent

Anyway, sorry to bother you, and I hope that you've sold your holistic practitioners! by now. I usually sell my stuff on craigslist pretty fast; although, I do have to admit that the cheapskates and low-ballers are rather annoying (did I just say that outloud, lol!).

-Your Fellow Craigslist'er in iowacity

PS. And now, I will leave you with one of my favorite quotes:

"If life were measured by accomplishments, most of us would die in infancy. - A. P. Gouthey"

I hope that I've sold all my practitioners too. They're like locusts, they eat you out of house and home!

Random Late Night Thoughts

So we had company last night, and because we're all gamers in one form or another, the topic of roleplay comes up. Particularly proficiencies, and how, since the idea has been introduced to me, I have concluded more and more firmly that I agree - Proficiencies killed roleplay.

This was made more evident to me when we started watching Legend of the Seeker (which I really enjoy, actually. :)) and they stout spouting off things like, "Ok, now he's using his fire making skill," "Roll your spirit pool," "That wizard only has one spell - ray of fire."

Not all of them proficiency based so much - but all rules from books. Sitting in my bathtub this morning I decided that I want to do away with them.

So, Geoff-san, when I run my game, I want to go way old school. All you get are stats, and a character you have to create completely. So nyah. :)

My problem with most female sub stories ...

Being in a somewhat randy mood tonight, I decided it was time for some woman porn. Literotica beckoned and I began my evening's adventures in the reluctance channel.

I have this love-hate relationship with the genre, as well as BDSM in general. I am not a submissive, really, in any way, shape, or form. The idea of being subservient to anyone is abhorrent to my inner core. However, I really enjoy the idea of being roughly taken by a man (or woman :)), because I want my sex to be about the battle.

Anyways - here I am reading and enjoying, pushing cute little Claire along while she's being taken by her principal, the end of it leaves a bad taste in my mouth:

"The principal leaned into her head as he laid on top of her and whispered, "You are mine now Claire. Your pussy is mine. I will have you when ever I want to, do you understand me?"

Now, I was rather enjoying this story because it wasn't focused on pain, or bondage, or anything else except animalistic passion. There's some bondage, but it's part of the rough taking. :) So it's two people who start off fighting against each other and eventually lose total control because of the other. Note, the words 'the other'.

The story ends before Claire answers, so I think of my own ending. Having devised Claire to be a personality I prefer, my immediate image is her getting up slowly, with cat slitted eyes and laughing at him. Reminding him of her power in this situation too. There is no ownership, or, different perspective, the ownership is mutual on each other. More often it is the man taking the power from the woman, than shaming her about losing control of herself, and blackmailing/forcing her to continue down the road of her "sexual degradation".

Why is that appealing? Hell, that's not submission, in the truest sense of what it means to be a sub, people! The dom/me is nothing without his/her submissive. *whisper* They do truly hold all the power. */whisper*

*cough*

Which leads me to the reason I don't like any philosophy that teaches people, particularly women, ignorance and condescension towards sexuality. That includes you, my prude feminists. To truly be a woman you have to regain all of your power - that includes your sex. Letting anyone or anything make you feel bad about it is the same as putting back on that cute, flowery apron, and heading to the kitchen.

I - personally - never want to go back there again.

When you watch too much tv...

So I had the fun fun duty of telling one of my regular clients to go away yesterday. He's been with me pretty much since I started to do the massage thing full time, and we confronted the "please touch my penis" thing early on.

I found out that it seemed to come from a long history of sexual neglect, and secretly he just wanted to be loved. Nonetheless, that isn't something I wish to include in my practice, so it was handled and we moved on.

However, since then, I have always been slightly on edge when giving him a massage since the "please touch my penis" elephant never leaves the room. It didn't help that I had other male clients who were more forward, and sometimes a bit more aggressive in the "please touch my penis" arena, and I often transferred some of my emotional turbulence on him.

So overall not my favorite person to massage all the time, but hey, a massage regular is a good thing, and the book was mostly closed on that subject, right?

Yeah ... not so much. He brought it back up at the end of last week's massage, commenting how he enjoyed working on the knots on his inner thighs, but sometime he wishes I would "miss" and go up a little higher. Ignoring the immediate images of the actuality behind that statement (he likes a lot of pressure, so my knuckles and fist were used to work on those knots, as such missing really entails punching him in the balls ...), I understood would he meant.

So ... I have been pondering it since, and have decided I don't really need the emotional and mental anguish that would come from continue to massage him with the "please touch my penis" elephant growing even larger. It throws off my massage mojo, dude! (No, really it does, and this is a 9 am massage guy, so everyone after gets kind of screwed.)

I sent an email last night stating I was uncomfortable with that whole thing, and we needed to end our client/therapist relationship. And of course last night I get to have my paranoid dreams where the man comes to confront me, we're talking, and I'm pressing speed dial for Bill in my phone in my pocket so Bill can hear the conversation and know that there is something wrong going on. During the confrontation, the client pulls out a needle and is sedating me, and this is where the dream kind of pauses .... because my brain is like, "whoa whoa, back up sister! Bill's phone is always on vibrate, and he's probably sleeping. You've ruined your whole chance at rescue. It'd make much more sense to dial 911 and leave it in your pocket, wouldn't it?" and then that whole scenario gets rewound a little bit, but not enough to start again because the other side of my brain that doesn't constantly prepare for worst case scenarios is thinking, "really? really? he's going to come at you with a needle? ... don't you have better things to dream about? You know, like flying or something?"

....

I know immediately where I got the phone idea too! Veronica Mars did it a couple of times when she was in danger, and I thought it was pretty clever. It also helped the bad guys seem to forget entirely the existence of cell phones and never noticed when she dropped it on the floor, but you know ... whatevs. ^.^

So yeah ... that's my story. o.o

Anyone want to become my new regular?

Driving and Ponderances

So I'm driving home from my sister's, and along the way my brain turns over the past couple of days. Friday evening I was visiting Courtney and Geoff, where we discussed the war between new atheists and the religious people (particularly Christians). I was stating that the atheist camp does need eloquent, diplomatic people on their side to help convert fringe Christians, and that sometimes the overly angry and pissed off atheists push those people on the fence the wrong way. Geoff was arguing why we should bother, since Christianity, churches, and particularly church going people are the first to block their ears, point fingers, and scream we are all going to hell. (Sometimes more than pointing, btw, sometime vicious beatings, sometimes shootings, but hey, who's paying attention?)

Actually, I find that I agree with Geoff. The more I think about Christianity, the more I wonder how anyone can follow that religion.

A religion that tells you it knows better than you, so don't think, don't worry. Listen to the pretty words and follow the pretty rules, and everything will be ok. If you do that, you can go to heaven, where everything is happy and good. If you don't, well ... we have a place for you. Oh, by the way, if you go that other way, you get to go there *forever*. So, be a good sheep*cough* follower, ok?

Who can live with that fear? Better yet, who can live with that fear and remain sane? At best, we have quiet, semi-peaceful, pleasantly mindless nice people who don't make too much of a fuss. They get married, have a couple children, make sure they're safe, make sure everything's safe, and not to think about a thing, for god will take care of them. At medium, we have bitter, self-righteous, judgmental people who hear everything you say and watch everything you do, and decide if you belong, decide if you fit in. They cast out equal rights, tolerance, acceptance, love, because their bible tells them too without taking the time to see the human they are hurting. At worst, we have fanatics who scream into the radio and spew out curses, rumors, and horrendous lies to make sure no one looks, no one thinks. Let's not forget those who go out and kill themselves, and/or others, to make their god happy.

All the meanwhile, those preachers, priests, servants of this god, sit up on their pedestal and tell everyone they're right.

Who wants that god? That selfish, narcissistic, vengeful, petty, horrifying judgmental god? (I'm talking to you big three, because really, it's the same one.)

I like the pagans - the old mythologies. The gods were scary folk, full of hubris, greed, lust, and wrath. Sometimes helpful, sometimes caring, but mostly you learned from their humanness - their stories were morals, and while to be respected (and feared), not blindly worshipped. (If Hercules and Xena teach us anything, it's that blind followers of the old gods die quickly! ;)) Most pagan rituals term themselves as paying respect - not bending knee, bowing head quietly and meekly.

(I add this because I find myself to be too spiritual to term myself atheist. Sometimes the angry ones make me want to cry a little. >.>)

Long story short - I agree with Geoff. We should not cater, we should not pamper to make the self victimizing religious people feel safe. We should destroy the thought pattern, we should break the chains, and open the doors. We should burn down the prisons and rip up the books.

Because out here there is learning, thought, growth, and life. In there, there is only the slow, sad, meek march unto death.

Art Guts

Hehe. So I've been following this forum for FreakAngels, a free webcomic from Warren Ellis. Every Sunday night they have this thing called remake/remodel, where Warren will post a scant description of some comic book hero, and calls all the artists to draw an updated version.

I have decided to join in on the fun, and dusted off my pencils and pens for it.

This is my first one!

His name is Digambara Samiyar - this is what we had to work with:

"Digambara Samiyar was created by Vaduvur Duraisami Iyengar and appeared in Manjal Araiyain (Mystery of the Yellow Room), Ratta Sottu (Blood Drops), and Digambara Samiyar (Sky-Clad-One Healer), which were published in the 1940s.

Samiyar was a sanyasi, a holy hermit (usually living in a forest) who had sworn a great and mighty oath to fight crime..."

later added on:

"To do so he used many different disguises (he was good at it) and tracked the criminals across India’s geography and society, without regard to caste or social class. He was not skilled in the ways of detection, but was brave, intelligent, and had the assurance that devout faith brings."

So let me know what you think! :) Done in colored pencil, and improved upon in photoshop.